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  “See?” she asks again.

  “Yeah, I see. It’s incredible,” I say, but there’s a hint of melancholy in my voice that I can’t keep out.

  “What are you thinking about?” Ellie catches the sadness in my tone.

  “Oh, nothing. It’s just . . . it sounds stupid, but I guess I thought things were going so well with Dalton. I can’t believe it’s really over. It all happened so fast.”

  “Ugh, Dalton. That guy is the worst. I cannot deal with what he said about you. I mean, I was mad at you too, but when I heard him say that, I was, like, Hell no, nobody says that about my boo.”

  “Thanks, Ellie.”

  “No really, I mean it, screw that guy. Wanna know what I think?”

  “Obviously!”

  “Are you sure? It’s kinda controversial.”

  “I’m sure.”

  “It’s just, from everything you’ve told me, it seems like Jack is who you should be with.”

  “What?”

  “Told you it was controversial.”

  I shake my head vehemently. “He . . . he had his chance. He liked me in middle school and never told me. He dated stupid evil Gwen instead.”

  “Okay, Harper, real talk: everyone is an idiot in middle school. You can’t keep holding that against him. He’s obviously changed; he’s grown up by now. Well, not quite. But the point is, he regrets what happened in middle school. His biggest flaw was being too afraid to tell you how he felt. I think it’s time to forgive him for that.”

  “I don’t know, Elle, don’t you think it’s weird that he just decided to pursue me after I became famous? Isn’t that sort of suspicious?”

  “Honestly?”

  “Duh! Obviously, honestly.”

  “Honestly, I think it’s a coincidence. I think your getting famous happened to coincide with his growing up. I barely know the guy, but my instincts tell me to give him the benefit of the doubt.”

  “Hm. Your instincts do tend to be on point.”

  “I mean, Harper, you know him, you were his friend throughout middle school. Is he really the kind of guy who would like a girl for her fame, or is it perhaps more likely that you projected that fear and insecurity onto him?”

  As the Ferris wheel turns, so do Ellie’s words around and around my head. Slowly at first, then all of a sudden, what she just said resonates and rings out as the truth. This truth feels slimy in my stomach, but good slimy, exciting slimy. Jack has been there for me all along, even when I didn’t know it. And sure, Dalton was mad when he called me a nobody on TV, but he couldn’t have said it if the thought didn’t exist somewhere in his mind. Meanwhile Jack has wanted to be with me this whole time, even when I really was a nobody. But he didn’t see me as a nobody, because he’s a real person. Ellie’s right, he’s a good person . . . and I just felt too rejected by him to see that. I still can’t believe he liked me that whole time. That’s all I ever wanted.

  “Ellie, you’re a genius. I have to tell him how I feel. I have to get off this Ferris wheel.”

  “You can call him when we get down!” She cheers.

  “Ugh, stupid Ferris wheel with your stupid bad cell-phone reception.”

  “Let’s go back to when you were admiring how beautiful the view is.”

  “I’m over it,” I say. “Now I just have vertigo.”

  CHAPTER 14

  ••••••••••

  Yours Truly, Harper

  “Ellie!” I groan. “Why hasn’t he texted back?!”

  If I had a penny for every time I asked this question, I’d be a rich lady by now. We’re back in Los Angeles, lounging in my lair, and it’s been almost a whole day since I texted Jack:

  Hey, can we talk?

  And nothing. Zippo. Zilch. Nada.

  I know sometimes guys get freaked out when they see that phrase typed out, but this is an urgent situation. I’ve spent the past year and a half brushing Jack off and I need him to know how sorry I am and that, if he’s still interested, maybe I’d even want to see where things go between us.

  “Girl, I don’t know. Try to stay calm.”

  “Should I call him?”

  “A little desperate, but sure. He’s acted desperate for most of the year—you can have your moment. Plus you already know how much he likes you.”

  Before she’s finished with her sentence I’ve grabbed my phone and pressed the call icon next to Jack’s name.

  “Hey, you’ve reached Jack, say what you gotta say.” Beeeeeep.

  I panic, hold the phone away from my face. “It’s voice mail!” I whisper to Ellie.

  “So? Leave a message.” That girl can be so level-headed sometimes.

  I clear my throat and attempt a tone that’s casual and confident. “Heyyyy, Jack, sent you a text, but you haven’t written back . . . no rhyme intended. Heh. Oh boy. Anyway, I was at Coachella and started to think and . . . well . . . I’d really like to talk to you. I know I was super rude to you at Ben & Jerry’s, but I’m really hoping you’ll call me back. It’s Harper, by the way. Okay. Bye.”

  I hang up and scowl at myself in the nearest mirror. “What was that?” I ask my reflection, but also Ellie.

  “Your guess is as good as mine.”

  “He’s not going to call back. I was such a bitch to him, Elle. Dammit, we need a plan.”

  She furrows her brow. “What kind of plan?”

  “Something to win him back. To prove I’m sorry. To convince him to give me a second chance.”

  “What kind of thing do you have in mind?”

  “I have no idea! That’s why I need you.”

  “Okay . . . Oh, I know!” She claps her hands together excitedly. “How about you send a candygram to his house?”

  I stare at her blankly. “What’s a candygram?”

  “You know, like a telegram except with candy. There are tons of companies that will send them for you.”

  “Hmm, that’s not bad. It’s cute. I like that, we’re going in the right direction. But at this point, I think it needs to be bigger than a candygram.”

  “You could hire a plane to fly a banner around town that says, ‘I’m sorry, Jack! You’re the one for me!’ or ooh! Even better! Sky­writing!”

  I laugh and shake my head at her. “Okay, I know I’m kind of rich for a sixteen-year-old, but I’m not skywriting rich.”

  “You could show up in person at his house? Throw rocks at his window and then proclaim your love in a sort of reverse Romeo and Juliet situation. You know, without the inevitable poison.”

  “We’re getting warmer, Ellie, this is great. Showing up at his house is the sort of grand gesture I’m looking for and can afford, but it strikes me as kinda creepy and stalkerish. I mean, sure, he’s shown up at my house unexpected, but I just don’t roll like that. What if I—”

  Then it hits me. The perfect strategy is to have no strategy at all, but to just be honest and vulnerable in the way that comes most naturally to me: in video form.

  As soon as Ellie leaves, I sit down at my computer and hit ­record.

  * * *

  TUTORIAL #9

  How to Ask for Forgiveness and Win Back the Guy Who Just Might Be the Love of Your Life

  Hi, guys, Harper here.

  I’m not here today with any DIY or life hack tutorial for you, because to be honest, my heart just isn’t in it right now. I ­recently acted pretty uncool to someone I actually care a lot about, and I think I really lost him. Suddenly tutorial videos don’t seem so important anymore.

  So I’m here instead to tell him how I feel. To admit that I don’t know what else to do but tell him how I feel. To respect his privacy, I won’t say his name, but I’m hoping when he sees this, he’ll know who he is and that I’m talking to him.

  Listen, you, I hope you’re watching this. I know there’s a chance you’re not watching and I’m just talking to myself and one million strangers, but if you are, I want you to know that the truth is, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, and I’m sorr
y that I took you for granted. The truth is, I love you. I’ve never said that before, but I do. The truth is, I’ve been in love with you long before I knew it. If possible, I think I loved you before we even met. I know that sounds stupid—maybe it is stupid, but I don’t care anymore. I don’t care about seeming stupid or awkward or uncool, I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. All I care about is getting a clean slate with you, and the opportunity to explain to you that I did what I did because I was afraid of getting hurt and thought I had to protect myself from you. I was wrong, and I know that now. I’m sorry it took your getting hurt for me to learn that.

  Anyway, I hope you’ll consider giving me a second chance. If not, I’ll understand (though I’ll be crushed, admittedly), and you’ll forever be the one who got away.

  Yours truly,

  Harper

  * * *

  CHAPTER 15

  ••••••••••

  I Am the Sun and the Air

  “Ellie!” I groan, “why hasn’t he called yet?!”

  Déjà vu? Yeah, same.

  “I don’t know!” she says from the other end of the telephone. “Maybe he’s . . . sick? Maybe he hasn’t seen the video?”

  “He wasn’t in school today,” I tell her. “Maybe he really is sick.” I’m driving home from school with Ellie on Bluetooth, my convertible top all the way up because it’s starting to rain. It almost never rains in Los Angeles, and when it does, everyone complains like it’s the worst thing that has ever happened to them. But I love the rain. It waters the thirsty plants and makes everything feel fresh and new again, plus it fits my #currentmood.

  “Sure, it’s possible.” But Ellie doesn’t sound convinced.

  “What if he’s like seriously sick? Should I go visit him? Make sure he’s okay?”

  “Do not do that,” Ellie advises. “He most likely just hasn’t seen the video. Everyone’s loving it so far though, bb. Lots of nice, supportive comments, you should check it out.”

  “Fine. Wanna come over and keep me company while I wait by the phone?”

  “Can’t. I have to study. Finals are coming up.”

  Ugh. Study. I hate that word. Fine, I say to myself, if Ellie is going to study then I’m going to go home and make a video about NOT studying. Checkmate. I think.

  * * *

  TUTORIAL #10

  How to Get an A Without Studying

  Hi, everyone! I know my last video was a little bit of a downer, and I didn’t even give you any tips or life hacks in it! Thanks for listen­ing to me being all emo! But anyway, I thought I’d make it up to you with this exciting little video about how to dominate your classes without all those tedious study methods you’ve been told you have to use. Guess what? You don’t have to do anything; you can do whatever works for you in this life. Besides killing people. Killing people is bad.

  Unless you’re like a mega genius, you won’t get good grades unless you find ways to learn, memorize, and internalize the class material. If you wanna call this studying, then sure, yeah, you’re gonna have to study. But I like to think of my techniques and practices as a brain-growing extravaganza and/or party. It is SO much more fun that way. So follow these simple steps and you’ll never have to “study” again!

  1. The first thing to do is make sure you have an organized study space. This can be your desk, but it doesn’t have to be! It can be your floor or your bed or a park. The beach! An airplane! Really, anywhere. I like to lay out any supplies that I’m going to need, and also I gotta have my study buddy, which is normally my cat, Louis. Or, if I’m in a park, some wild squirrels. I’m not picky. I think it’s also really nice to have plants around you, because they’re alive and make you feel more alive and awake. Your plants can be your study buddies! Little cactus friends. They’re the real deal.

  2. My next tip is to have a nice scent in your workspace. It doesn’t have to be a candle, but I would suggest burning a lavender, cinnamon, or citrus candle, because those scents have been known to help with relaxation and focus.

  3. Tip three is something I personally need to work on, and that is posture! I used to be a dancer and have amazing posture, but not so much lately. Make sure to check your posture! Sit up straight while you’re working because it prevents you from becoming tired and unmotivated.

  4. Some people say not to listen to music while you’re trying to concentrate, but I just can’t work in total silence. IMHO, it’s all about finding the right music to accompany you in your workspace. For math, go for some classical music, because you don’t want any lyrics distracting you. For English, go with some indie, artsy music. This is what I listen to when I’m writing essays, I find that it’s great for inspiration. And for history or social studies or even biology (believe it or not), I’ve found it’s best to listen to some R&B. Those rhythms help me tap into the part of my brain that needs to remember facts and dates and stuff like that.

  5. Tip number five is a fun one! Chew gum! Apparently chewing gum helps you process facts easier and faster. Plus, it’s freaking delicious, so why not?

  6. I’m always one to put my hair up in a bun or ponytail when it’s getting in my way, but actually loose hair prevents you from getting headaches, which obviously you can’t afford to get when you have work to do.

  7. Something that I do without even noticing is close my eyes when I’m trying to remember something. It’s also awesome to do this while you’re actually taking the test, because it blocks out distractions. There can be a lot of distractions in the classroom, so closing your eyes can really help you get centered and remember the answers.

  8. Tip eight is to get your blood pumping! Before sitting down to study for your test, I would highly suggest doing a little exercise. It doesn’t have to be some major cardio thing, just a short run or jog to help increase the blood flow to your brain, which, you know, doesn’t hurt. Then you gotta relax and do whatever you gotta do to not feel stressed before the test(s) itself!

  9. Now the best part: the test-taking outfit! When picking out an exam outfit, I would probably lean toward leggings and a sweater, maybe hair up in a bun. Another option would be a comfy little sundress with a jean jacket, something nice and casual like that. Just think twice before wearing pajamas into the exam room, because if you dress up and actually try, you will feel like you’re going to be successful. But if you show up in pajamas like you just rolled out of bed (because, let’s face it, you did), you’re just going to feel tired and ready to climb under the covers.

  Leave me a comment down below. Lemme know if these tips helped you get an A on any or all of your exams!

  You are my everything goals.

  Lots of love, Harper

  * * *

  CHAPTER 16

  ••••••••••

  It’s Always Been . . .

  Well, shooting that video was fun, but it definitely did not take my mind off Jack. My room feels chillingly empty and sad. Everything is completely silent except for the pitter-patter of rain against the window. It’s too much to handle, this silence; it’s forcing me to be alone with my thoughts, and I don’t like that. So I put on the moodiest music I can think of (the Smiths) and sit by the window, staring out into the rain like in any good music video about heartbreak, disappointment, and remorse.

  I know, I know, it’s like, how melodramatic can you be, Harper? And normally I’m not one for melodrama, I’m really not, but I had someone who really loved me and I was too blind to see it. Now I’ve gone and ruined the whole thing by being presumptuous and unkind. The rain starts falling harder and all I can think is How appropriate.

  Then, when the chorus comes around, I have a small epiphany, a moment of clarity. Why am I being so hard on myself? I had no way of knowing Jack had real feelings for me, so how could I have acted accordingly? The worst thing I’m guilty of here is being a flawed human being. All human beings are flawed. So if I had love and I messed it up, that doesn’t mean I don’t still deserve it. I do still deserve it, and if I
don’t get to be loved for a while, that’s okay, because at least I know I’m worthy of it. Really, that feeling is all we need to get by.

  “Harper!” My mom calls my name from the top of the staircase, startling me out of my reverie. “You have a visitor!”

  A visitor? Who could possibly be here to see me at this hour? And in the pouring rain? It can’t be Ellie. She’d call or shoot me a text first. And if it was Ellie, my mom wouldn’t have that suggestive tone in her voice that implies a gentleman caller.

  Oh my god, it must be Jack. Finally!

  I switch off my melancholy music and do a super-fast makeup touch-up, then head cautiously up the stairs, feeling completely unprepared for a face-to-face with Jack. What will I say? Will he profess his true love for me IRL or will he break my heart all over again? At the top of the stairs I pause, take a deep breath, and run my fingers through my hair for a calming effect.

  Then I open the basement door, walk into the living room, and there sitting on the couch, drenched from head to toe, is . . .

  “Dalton?” Shocked doesn’t begin to cover what I’m experiencing in this moment.

  “Hi, Harper.” He stands up and holds out his hands, like he’s just as confused as I am.

  “What are you doing here? How did you find where I live?”

  “Your friend Gwen reached out to me—”

  “What? First of all, Gwen is not my friend. Second of all, how—”

  “She told me everything, about how she’s been trying to take you down on Twitter because of some stupid revenge kick, and how she tweeted that picture of you and that Jack guy and made it look like you two were kissing. I felt so awful for jumping to conclusions. I wanted to apologize, so she told me where you live.”